She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
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