Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
