Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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