So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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