I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize