party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
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