honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize