i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize