for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
