So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
