The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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