hotel room ftw
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
