nut hugger
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize