i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
