Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Randomize
