Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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