Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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