i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
