I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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