I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize