So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
