Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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