8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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