I just threw up on my dentist
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
