hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
