Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
