It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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