This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
