Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
