I didn't shave. On purpose
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Randomize
