I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
