I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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