You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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