Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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