Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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