Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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