Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
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