No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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