the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
