and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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