is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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