Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
