i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
