I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
