i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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