The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
