if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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