I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
