My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
