Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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