He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
