do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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