wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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