Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
