He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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