Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
