Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
