I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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