Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
