I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Can Purell be used as lube?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize