Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
