i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
