I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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