Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize