Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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