After last night, I could never be a politician.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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