After last night, I could never be a politician.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
