why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
