What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
