Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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