"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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