I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
