just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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