bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
