I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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