its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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