Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
