No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
My ass is underappreciated
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize