Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
