i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I don't deserve a penis
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
