Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
