u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
