Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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