I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
