How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
