my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
