i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
