he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
