she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize