So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
