I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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