I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
