dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
