someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize
